A review of the “conscious box”

This post is going to be a bit of a deviation from my normal posts, so if you don’t want to read it, don’t read it!

A couple of months ago Grace and I both got sucked in by a Facebook ad for this strange product called a Conscious Box. Basically it promised to be a box full of goodies that you might like to try but usually wouldn’t, and most importantly it promised to send the first box for next to nothing. Anyone who’s been to a market with me knows that I don’t mind a good free sample, so we signed up on the promise that we could cancel before the second month and never have to pay for a box.

Well, we fucked it up. We went to Puerto Rico and when we came back we had emails saying our second box was on the way, and we’d each had $20 – that’s no small sum – taken from our bank accounts. We had a look around on their website and it seems like this happens to a lot of people, judging by the disclaimers and extensive explanations of the process (they bill on the first day of each month, so if you sign up at the end of the month like we did you only get a couple of days to cancel).

Because one of my favourite things to do on the internet is to write reviews of products, and because I couldn’t find a very good place to write a review of this one, I’m going to do it here.

And the summary of my review is: what a waste of money!

Seriously. As far as I can recall here’s what we got in the first box:

  • A shot of some quackish medicine that claimed to cure some kind of illness, but came with a disclaimer insisting that it wasn’t meant to cure anything at all
  • A banana and chocolate bar, which was delicious
  • A small packet of concentrate which could be turned into a lemon drink to soothe a sore throat
  • A few random teabags (I mean really fucking random: one had no explanation but we looked it up and it turned out it was for people who were trying to quit smoking! Another was a savoury tisane made from spinach and assorted herbs which also said you could use it to flavour your rice!)
  • A wet wipe or two (I haven’t opened the pack to be sure) made from bamboo
  • A small pack of a chocolate-like substance that claimed to help you sleep, but on closer look wasn’t chocolate at all (I can’t comment on the sleep because I get to sleep easily enough already, thank you very much).

There might have been a couple more things but that was about it, basically a bit of a laugh for $5 and probably just about paid for itself with the banana chocolate bar and some of the other bits and pieces.

But. This month’s box is getting judged to very different standards. Here’s what’s in it:

  • 1oz (that’s 28g) of “pasta chips”
  • Two shots of “Florax DS diarrhea relief” (remember that we have two of these boxes, so double everything) (also what a random place to discover another American misspelling!)
  • Some more random teabags (four to be precise, none of them as quacky as last time, which was kind of disappointing)
  • Two “Kramp Krusher vegetarian electrolyte chews”, clearly marked “FREE SAMPLES NOT FOR SALE”
  • A one-use sachet of “Via Nature Soothing Skin Lotion with antioxidant omega essential complex”, also clearly marked “SAMPLE – NOT FOR RESALE”
  • As above but “Moisturizing Skin Lotion with argan oil and hyaluronic acid”
  • Two individually wrapped squares of organic free trade chocolate
  • A tiny but cleverly shaped sachet of “Lotus Moon vitamin B hydrating gel”
  • An organic lip balm (okay this one is actually cool, properly sized and I will definitely use it)

Wow. I can’t believe I just typed half the words in there. If I had to add up the value this box will contribute to my life I’d go with about $3 for the lip balm, 10c each for the chocolate, the chips and the teabags and bugger all for everything else. If I were the type of person to get excited about beauty products I might get up to $4, and maybe a dollar more if I happened to regularly shit my pants (then again I’d probably already have medicine for it).

So there you go. If you somehow randomly found this page on a google search, here is your takeaway: You can order the introductory box and cancel straight away without feeling bad, you will get about what you pay for.

If you came here from Facebook, you may now return.